If the opening track of The Jacked Up Life Soundtrack was about exposing the cracks, then Track 2 takes us into the space beneath them; a place many of us know but few of us name. It’s darker. More desperate. But it’s also holy ground, because it’s where our cries echo the loudest and, sometimes, where God’s whisper finally cuts through.
“Spiral Down Again” is the soundtrack companion to Chapter 2: “The Shame Spiral” of my book, The Jacked Up Life. It’s not about a stumble. It’s about that sickening, all-too-familiar feeling of slipping back into something you swore you were done with; of falling inward while smiling outward.
Sonically: Vulnerable. Fierce. Haunting.
This track is a notable tonal shift from Track 1’s light, introspective pop. The production here leans into atmospheric electronic-pop with minimalist arrangements; tight, echoing drum patterns, a deep driving bass, and synth hooks that feel like a heartbeat you can’t calm down.
Vocals are whispered more than sung, but with an intensity that feels like standing in a room alone, yelling at God without raising your voice.
You might think this track sounds like something made for a teenager’s journal, but let’s be honest; the shame spiral isn’t a phase. It ages with us. It adapts. And it still whispers the same lie: “You’ll never change.”
Chapter Two in Song Form
In Chapter 2, we dive into how shame doesn’t just visit; it vortexes. One small moment can trigger a chain reaction, pulling us into a private hell of silence, doubt, and self-condemnation. We start hiding again. We stop reaching out. We replay the same tape on loop.
The lyrics mirror this mental and spiritual claustrophobia:
“Telling lies to myself. Breathing in doubt…”
“One word turns to chains, spiral down again.”
But what gives this track its weight isn’t just the despair—it’s the way it still dares to cry out:
“Is there any grace left now?”
The psalmists asked similar questions; not because they didn’t believe God was good, but because they couldn’t feel it in the spiral. That’s what makes this track honest. Biblical. Human.
The Declaration: Crying Out Matters
And then comes the most important line—not shouted, but declared:
“Don’t wanna spiral down again.”
It’s not a resolution made with false bravado. It’s the groan of someone who’s tired of pretending. Someone who wants healing more than saving face. And maybe, just maybe, is finally ready to reach for the hand that’s always been extended.
This track doesn’t tie it all up. It’s not supposed to. But it does something sacred: it gives voice to what most of us are too ashamed to say out loud.
Stream the Song
🎵 Listen to “Spiral Down Again” on Apple Music
🎵 Stream on Spotify
In the next post, I’ll take you into Track #3; a song that wrestles with spiritual performance and our attempts to earn what we already have in grace.
Until then, if you’re stuck in the spiral, let this be your quiet confession: “Say my name, say my name, Jesus…”
You’re not alone in the silence.
—Michael